How to Go About Dating Your Friend’s Ex Without Feeling Like an Awful Person

By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understand our Cookie Policy , Privacy Policy , and our Terms of Service. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. It only takes a minute to sign up. See this question for more context. I plan on asking my friend Penny out. However, the tricky part of this situation is that Penny and my good friend Kyle dated for about a year. They broke up two months ago on good terms.

How to Date Your Best Friend’s Ex: Rules and How to Make the Right Decision

By Ashley Henshaw. College dating can be a tricky business to navigate. You might get to know someone in a class one semester and then never see them again. Friends in your dorm might break up and then have to live with each other for the rest of the year.

Your best friend’s girlfriend captured your attention a long time ago, and always they will be good friends, but they won’t be able to spend as much time together Before You Start Dating a Friend’s Ex: Things to Think About.

Your best friend’s girlfriend captured your attention a long time ago, and always seemed, if not ideal, then, at least, very cool. And so they parted, and you suddenly begin to spend more time with her, because during their relationship, you were friends, so why can’t you spend time together now? You unexpectedly understand that she is very cool and pleasant to you, and it looks like you have a lot in common.

But most importantly: it seems like she falls in love with you too. Now, you feel that her relationships with your best friend were a mistake, and she has to be with you. This makes this situation even more awkward. It is up to you to decide whether you want to start dating your best friend’s ex or not. Starting a relationship with a friend’s ex-girlfriend is an ambiguous undertaking, which is filled with numerous pitfalls.

There are many different opinions on this subject in our society, and people still are not able to find common ground. Thus, you can expect different reactions from your friends. Some of them may support you, while others may be against this relationship, or your life may turn into hell. You need to be prepared for the difficulties that may arise in such relationships.

The whole situation may turn in a way that you will have to decide whether you want to have romantic relationships or save your friendship.

5 Things to Know Before Dating Your Best Friend

Want to discuss? Please read our Commenting Policy first. Communication is vital if maintaining the friendship is important to you. Indifference is the opposite of love. A good way to gauge this is by suggesting an outing where your friend and their ex will both be present. You also need to ask yourself if the ex has had enough time to heal from the breakup or you could risk being the rebound.

My friend has been dating this girl for about 18 months and since this time we in my eyes but what kind of time frame should I leave it for before sitting down.

Don’t be paranoid. Don’t try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because you’re afraid they friends have feelings for each other, and don’t constantly seek reassurance that that’s not ex-girlfriend case. Trust friends your dude is with you because he likes you friends you’re awesome, not because he’s biding his time rules your friend takes him back. Trust that your friend is happy you’ve found someone you dig, not plotting to sabotage your love.

And don’t your your jealousy or insecurity over their past relationship to excuse irrational or controlling behavior on your part. Of course, if your sweetie dating you a legitimate reason to believe he’s untrustworthy, get friends of there stat, date if there’s really nothing wrong, don’t create problems where none exist. Don’t pry into dating relationship.

Dating a best friend’s ex

Here are some examples:. Her tits were so unreal, they were like something out of an anime cartoon. Trust is the backbone of a great friendship or relationship and if you break it, the relationship comes crashing down. It ruined me for years, but I eventually picked myself off the floor and transformed myself into the man I am today.

It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why Often it’s hard to tell the two apart, especially if you’ve not been in a relationship or If you can distinguish between the two and it’s nothing more than an urge for a wild.

Pat Benatar alerted the nation of the state of love when she compared it to the heavy artillery and dirty bombs one faces in a war. But do you think the idea of my body being metaphorically blown to smithereens stopped me from dating not one, but two yeah But this isn’t about Peter fake name , Jessica fake name , or even Mothra Blurgenstein shockingly, actual name — kidding! From the lips of relationship fuck-ups and our resident sex sociologist, Dr. Chauntelle Tibbals, here is what you should and shouldn’t do while dating the ex of a friend.

What kind of ex are we talking about here? Did they date for a week in eighth grade and break up via AIM? Have they been together for 10 years and just ended things in an emotionally draining way? Assess the situation by putting yourself in their shoes and thinking about how you would react if the situation was flipped.

Is it OK to Date Your Friend’s Ex?

But every once in a while, the universe speaks to a person and lets him know that, although it seems wrong at first, there might be a bigger reason your friend dated this person in the first place — maybe it was to connect the two of you, instead. Such a situation, of course, can be tricky, and must be handled with care. Two men talking on a walk iStock. Woman apologizing after an argument iStock.

When it comes to dating your friend’s ex, timing could be everything. All good friends like to believe in the mantras of “mates before dates,” “There is scientific research about how long it takes to grieve the loss of someone.

Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend’s ex. They wholeheartedly believe that it’s wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they’d never talk to that person again. They believe this is something everybody knows, that they’re just following the rules. What I’ve noticed, though, is that every person I’ve heard espouse this worldview was straight. This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities. If you’re gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend’s ex at some point.

Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you’ve found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life. It’s difficult to meet people you’re romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city’s queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight. Even if you meet someone to whom you think you have no previous connection, a minute conversation almost always reveals that she went to high school with your college roommate, used to be on a volleyball team with that girl from your book club, and had a six-month stand with your favorite barista.

Queers don’t tend to expect our dates to come into our lives completely free of prior complication. We know our backstories will be tangled and intertwined.

Is it ever OK to date your friend’s ex?

Sometimes it seems like the universe just likes to laugh at your life. That’s certainly the case when you find yourself attracted to your ex’s friend! Depending on the situation, it might either be a funny coincidence or something that could tear apart a friend group. Here are a few rules to keep in mind when trying to figure out whether it makes sense to start something up with your ex boyfriend’s bro.

There are different types of relationships between ex-lovers, so the most important you for more than 6 months, it’s better to wait a little bit before starting to date his ex. Providing you ignore this and start dating your friend’s ex, your long-life.

The dating-a-friend’s-ex equation is simple: Figure out the amount of time your friend and his ex dated, then wait two-thirds of that time before you move in on the ex. So if your friend dated someone for three years, you have to wait two years after their breakup. If it was six months, you have to wait four months. If it was a one-night hookup, you have to wait between six to eight hours — depending on when she left the next day.

The obvious caveats to this rule include whether your friend is a real jerk then the time limit is reduced to one-third or if the sex is really good in which case all bets are off. The danger is that in order to find out if the sex is that good, you’ll have to break the two-thirds rule, and this small loophole is single-handedly responsible for most of the world’s troubles, including — somehow — the current economic crisis.

Can you date a friend’s ex? The answer to that question depends on your friend.

Can you DATE your FRIEND’S EX? He Said/She Said ep. #21 w/ Jess Lizama


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